The Coronavirus Pandemic has found many families spending a LOT of time together at home. While some of us moms were already “Stay at Home Moms,” these circumstances have us really honing in on the “Stay at Home” end of that. Some of us were working outside of the home or from home and have now been thrust into the dual role of working and Momming at the same time. And while each of our circumstances are different and our households are all unique, one commonality we likely all share is that we are all totally winging this. 

 

It seemed like within seconds of school closures and city lockdowns, social media networks flooded with color coded schedules and all kinds of “easy to do” activities that promised to be “fun for the whole family!” Those of us who never before felt we needed a jug of Stay-flo Liquid Starch were panicked by the sudden lack of supply on Amazon.com because how else would I be able to make “simple 2 ingredient sparkly slime” for my kids??? Some of us found comfort and relief in those color coded schedules. Some of us found it anxiety provoking. Some of us were inspired by videos to try baking sourdough bread or patchwork quilting for the first time. Some of us felt pressured to do more while barely scraping by in those first few weeks. And some of us felt all of these things and more, many at the same time.

 

I personally have a love of planning and executing activities for my children and others. It is, for me, a form of self care. I don’t believe this to be true for everyone, though. I, like many others, have had my share of ups and downs here--sometimes all in the course of a 20 minute stretch! What works well for my home may not work well in someone else’s and what works in my home at one moment varies at the very next. One thing that has helped a great deal is having a lot of tools in my proverbial toolbelt. And if you, too, are looking to build up your toolset, here’s the first in a series of posts on activities to do at home with kids. Think of it as your Quarantine With Kids Survival Kit.

 

But before I do begin, there are a few things I want to say to you, fellow Moms:

 

• Play is enough. Please know that if you plan the day from dusk to dawn and that brings contentment to your home, you’re doing great. Please know that if you are flying by the seat of your skirt or pants and don’t know what you will do one hour from now let alone in five minutes, you’re doing great. If you are Zoom-schooling, homeschooling, unschooling or not schooling, you’re doing great. There’s no right way to proceed right now in such uncharted territory. There is, however, plenty of research and evidence to support that play in children of all ages is vital to their growth and development, their learning and to coping with the challenges of living through these times. Repeat after me: play is enough, play is enough, play is enough.

• You, too! Yes, Moms, play is for grown-ups, too. While the creative endeavors of others can feel at times pressuring for those of us who may not have the time or inclination to learn the art of basket-weaving, it is important to find an outlet that is creative and enjoyable. Taking time for our own “play” is important for self care and it is also important for our children to see. 

• It is OK--even good to be bored! When this first began a couple of months ago, I spent a good amount of time observing my 5 and 3  and even 1 year children at play. Particularly with the older two, I could see spans of time where they seemed actively engaged in play and times when they slowed down, sometimes even stopped and seemingly withdrew. There were times they would look as though they didn’t know what to do next or times they would even ask me “what’s the next activity???” And while sometimes I did have a go-to plan, sometimes the answer was “I don’t know, it’s up to you.” Sometimes children slow or seem to cease from their play not because they are bored, but because they are “resting” before engaging in deeper play. Sometimes they are bored and unsure of how to proceed. On the other side of that, however, is the immense creativity and abstract thinking that produces some of the world’s greatest inventors, scientists, engineers, doctors, Rabbis, mothers, fathers, students, artists, writers, musicians and more. Play is about process, not product. It evolves in its own timeframe and it is OK--even good for pauses to occur. I often say that the other side of boredom is brilliance.

• Will you play with me? Whether you have one child at home or multiple, some of us are feeling the strain of needing to be a parent, a teacher and now also a playmate. Many mothers have approached me asking what to do when their child continuously requests to play together. They have expressed feeling guilty about saying no when there’s not an option for a playdate with peers. They have expressed feeling overwhelmed by having to work, tend to the home and balance that with the play needs of their children. They have expressed anxiety and frustration at trying to navigate play activities that are fun for everyone while also being accessible and safe to much younger siblings. It’s a balance I, too, am struggling to achieve. One thing that I have found to be helpful overall is to see quality over quantity of time spent playing with your children. If you can afford five minutes, make it count and really engage during those five minutes. Five minutes of undivided attention often goes a lot further toward filling their tanks than an hour of playing together while also tending to other tasks. Secondly, it’s OK to say “I’ll play with you later,” but it’s helpful to set a time and a plan for it. “Let’s make a playdate after lunch today. What would you like to do together?”

• Go to Activities for Multiple Ages: As I mentioned above, one of the greatest struggles families with multi-aged children face is organizing activities that are fun and safe for everyone. The eleven year old is working on an art project that the five year old gets into and now there’s a permanent marker masterpiece on the bathroom wall. The eight year old just finished an elaborate Lego reproduction of the eiffel tower but the newly mobile one year old just plowed through it and knocked it down. You set up a lovely sensory bin full of water beads for the four year old but the two year old is still mouthing things and can’t play. Is it possible to please everyone at the same time? Yes and no. It’s not realistic to expect children of different age, interest and developmental levels to always play together smoothly, but there are some go-tos that I lean on here. Waterplay is fun for just about all ages. Whether inside, outside or even in the bathtub or kitchen sink, waterplay is fun, soothing and pretty easy to clean up. Bubbles are also a great activity for kids of all ages. Older ones can blow bubbles for the younger ones to enjoy. You can purchase bubbles, wands and accessories, or you can make your own.

To make your own bubbles, you will need:

• 4 cups warm water

• 1/2 cup sugar

• 1/2 cup liquid dish soap such as Dawn

• Whisk your ingredients to combine. They work best if you can let them sit for a while or even overnight, but no worries if you need them right away--they’ll still be great! As for wands and other accessories, household items make fabulous and interesting bubble wands. Think potato mashers, colanders, whisks, sieves, berry baskets... You can even construct your own using string, straws, recyclables and other household items. One of my favorite go-to bubble tools is made from a recycled bottle, a washcloth or sock and a rubber band. Simply cut the bottom off the bottle, place a small washcloth overtop or even better, an old sock, and affix it with a rubber band (or tape). Dip the cloth end into the bubble solution and blow through the mouth of the bottle--you will have some amazing bubble snakes!

And when it comes to encouraging older kids to play with younger ones, sometimes being set to the task of building or constructing something for a younger sibling to play with (re: knock down and destroy) can be a great way to reboot after a ten foot tall block building was unexpectedly rampaged by an overly eager toddler.

• Play as a Means for Coping and When to Seek Support: Play is such a valuable part of childhood when it comes to emotional development that indeed, entire methods of child therapy have been around it. We can learn a great deal about what our children, especially our youngest ones, are experiencing through observing and joining in their play when invited. Children work through fears, worries and other strong emotions through their play. It can be common to see children role play about the things they are experiencing or wondering about in their real life. In times like these, it can be common to see children playing about current events--so themes in play like illness, death/dying, hospitals, etc. might be recurrent in childrens’ symbolic play. In many ways, this is how children are able to feel “in control” of their surroundings and to work through their feelings about these big topics. It can feel alarming as a parent to witness children talking and playing about such “adult” topics, nonetheless. It is important to be an open door for our children in these times. It is important that they know they can come to us to seek support and comfort. It is also important to be as honest as possible within an age appropriate way (and that will differ for each family and child). This means honoring their feelings about this, honoring our own feelings about this and being honest that there is a lot we don’t know yet, a lot our rabbis and doctors and scientists and teachers don’t know yet, but we are all working together to find those answers with Hashem’s help. It is a good idea to limit excessive exposure to media that might be frightening and overwhelming for some children, particularly young ones, but that will look different as well for each family and child. When should you seek support? The simple answer is anytime at all that you wonder when you should seek support! But more eloquently put, we’re all in a challenging situation now as parents. While most of the time before we had the answers and experience to support our children’s fears and concerns, we don’t have that now. What we do have is each other. If you are concerned for your child’s wellbeing, seek support. If you are concerned for your own wellbeing, seek support. That can be a trusted family member, community leader, rabbi, pediatrician/family doctor, psychologist/therapist, teacher, friend, mentor or any combination thereof. If your child seems excessively withdrawn from play, increasingly irritable, more emotionally reactive, prone to nightmares/night terrors, has a change in appetite and/or energy level, sleep patterns, seems to regress from previously achieved milestones or is simply “not him/herself,” it could be a sign of anxiety and it can be helpful to seek support. When in doubt--most of us won’t look back and say “I wish I hadn’t asked for help with___,” while many of us do look back and say “I wish I would have asked for help with____.” We are apart but we are not alone.

• Find your anchor. In turbulent waters, it’s important to have an anchor. Your anchor is the thing or things that help you and your family to feel grounded. It is the thing or things that you do each day or week no matter what. Whether it’s saying Modeh Ani in the morning and Shema at night, whether it’s sharing what you’re grateful for or something you look forward to doing when we can, whether it’s a bedtime story or a family walk, a weekly game night, a pillow fight... Maybe it’s a longstanding family tradition or maybe you’re creating a new family tradition. Choose something--anything--and maybe only one thing at a time--that you love and make that your anchor. It should not be a source of pressure but rather a source of comfort and relief. Today, no matter what goes right and what goes wrong, I will____. 

So now that we’ve established the basic foundations of your toolbox, get ready to fill it with some favorite tools. In parts 2-4 of your Quarantine with Kids Survival Kit, you’ll get a plethora of ideas for arts and crafts, nature and outdoor activities, and rainy day fun. In the meantime, embrace the power of play. Embrace the clutter and the chaos and the a little bit of the craziness knowing that play is a vital part of childhood in “normal” circumstances and even more so in surviving quarantine with kids.